saying sorry vs never apologising...

I made a bet with someone last night that I could go 24 hours without apologising, it has been tough but i'm almost there! Apparently I apologise too much, for things that don't necessarily require an apology, is this a bad thing I ask?

There is a character on the tv programme NCIS who repeatedly says the phrase, 'Never Apologise; it is a sign of weakness', is this really the case though? or could it in fact be a sign of strength? We teach children to apologise when they've done something wrong, that it means they'll never do it again, but is it really that simple? Is that the reason some people think it is a sign of weakness? Because they have childhood flashbacks of getting into trouble? Lets face it, nobody liked getting told off when they were wee, but still! 

'I'm sorry' how can those two little words have such impact? A simple apology can mean so many different things, and can be said to explain so many emotions! A study by the University of Michigan revealed apologising can also have health benefits such as lowering stress levels whereas avoiding an apology can lead to built up anger, frustration and annoyance which can have effects of everyday encounters and relationships. 

According to Canadian Psychologists, people apologise on average 4 times a week, and we're more likely to apologise to complete strangers (22%) than to romantic partners (11%) or family members (7%), and we apologise most to friends (46%).  Conventional opinion is that women apologise too much and men don't apologise enough but that can't be proven either way. Without explaining all the research that i read through for this post, I'll summarise. Basically the studies by the University of Waterloo in Ontario discovered that in fact men just have different opinions on what is offensive and thus requires an apology, and women are more likely to be offended if an apology is not given when they think it deserved.

I can see how over-apologising can be a problem: it can sound insincere and the recipient isn't sure if it is a real apology or not. It can be annoying to hear the same thing over and over and over again and it makes the apology less effective. I understand this but on the other hand, I think I'd rather offer an apology when it wasn't needed, than not apologise when it is required. There is a middle ground, I hear you say, I know this, I just don't think my brain works that way! 'I'm sorry' is something you say to admit you're wrong about something, and I am certainly not right all the time, so again I ask, what's the problem? 

5 hours left of this bet, avoiding as many unnecessary conversations is helping to limit my apologies to nill, but we'll see how I get on! Come 12 o'clock I'll have some serious apologising to catch up on!

Update: I lost the bet. I lasted 23 hours and 25 minutes, before a subconscious, nonchalant, frankly not overly important 'apology' slipped out. It was a 'sorry I didn't text back, my phone was upstairs', such a waste, not even a momentous apology to fail the bet with! Clearly I have an apology addiction...

Darker morning vs darker nights...

Brace yourself: slightly more serious post coming up...

Around 13th August 2010 the daily express started a campaign for the UK clocks to go forward one hour, and (as I understand it) they would remain this way all year round. Thus aligning our time with most other European countries. In the article dated online on the 13th they explained that Prime Minister David Cameron would 'look at' wither or not this would in fact benefit Britain. Just yesterday he said these plans would only go ahead were it clear the public supported it.


So what would turning the clocks forward an hour do? It would mean longer nights as the sun would theoretically be setting an hour later, but it would also result in later sunrise. Living in London, the sunset would be at 22:22 on June 21st but in the winter solstice, December 21st, it would not fully be light until 9:04am. This isn't too late, sure it would be inconvenient but we could live with that, right? Well it would be more than inconvenient if you were living in Thurso, where the sun would not set until around half 11 at night in mid summer, and would not rise until after 10am in mid winter. This is long after people have gone to school and work. So practically lets think about the implications of children going to school in the pitch black. Not only would it cause more accidents and problems with children trying to get to school in the dark, but attention levels would be much lower. Here's my thinking, you know when you need to get up early one day and its still dark when you wake up and all you want to do is go back to sleep and until the sun comes out it still feels like 'night time'? If we feel like that and we're adults, multiply that by a million for kids, and lets be honest that attitude is not conclusive to positive learning!


Research suggests this move would decrease Britain's CO2 emissions by hundreds of thousands of tonnes each year. As daytime would be later, less people would be switching lights on at that time of night, for example. 


The Daily Express also believes it would improve the nations health by encouraging more leisure activities and could boost tourism by up to £4 billion a year. (I'm not too sure how this figure can be estimated or the reasons why, but I'm not the expert!)


The subject is currently in the form of a private members bill which on the 3rd December 2010 was debated at the second reading stage in the house of commons. It was voted for that the bill be sent to a Public Bill Committee whose job it will be to scrutinise clause by clause. 
The Bill itself sets out that if passed the government would be required to 'conduct a cross departmental analysis of potential costs and benefits'. If found to benefit the UK, the government would be required to initiate a trial clock change. 


In my house certainly there is a lot of confusion over when the clocks change and what time it should be etc etc but there is a certain delight in winter time (I think) when you get that extra hour in bed. It feels like a free hour, although you know fine well you lost an hours sleep however many months ago, but that hour extra is blissful! In my opinion, there really isn't that much wrong with the status quo, so why fix something if it isn't broken?

Twilight fans vs strong objectors

I wanted to write a 'quick' post, if there is such a thing, so I decided to pick a topic I could talk freely  about without so much research on the topic. Even more than usual I'm going to struggle to keep this in so many words that you won't get extremely bored, I can't promise anything but I'll try!

So I'm going to say it now, and judge me all you like but at least let me explain, I do like twilight! When the film advert first came out, I wasn't too fussed, 'its just another soppy movie with some fantasy thrown in', I thought, but then a friend told me to read the book. I love reading, I used to read a book a week on average (before starting architecture!), so although a bit reluctant to join just about every other teenage girl in the world of twilight, I gave it a go. The first chapter I had to force myself to continue reading, after that, I couldn't stop. Stephanie Meyer's style of writing was ok, for a first novel it was good, compared to other books I have read it didn't appear to be that well written, but that wasn't why I was enthralled. The characters were believable, as much as they can considering half are vampires and the story, although simple, was captivating! I truly could not stop reading and I will admit that I have re-read it since! It was just so addictive, I HAD to keep reading! After a while I didn't notice that it wasn't perhaps that well written, I was so engrossed in the story and felt like I knew the characters! I read the other books in the series too and have seen the films to date. Personally, I much prefer the books, through script writing and editing, chapters I felt were important were missed out and obviously the portrayal of characters and scenes wasn't how I had personally imagined it. Don't get me wrong, the films are good films, but I don't really associate them with the books in the sense of comparing the two. Obviously the basic story is the same, the characters are the same, even some of the dialogue is the same, but in my head: they are completely different! 

So that's my opinion on twilight itself. What about the 'twi-hards'? to them I'd say, 'calm down a bit!' It isn't real, the character's are fictional and do not reflect the personalities of the actors! I think some people just got far too carried away to be perfectly honest! 

a design for t-shirts and badges I found online that let
me tell you I was tempted to get and hand out in town...

What about those who make fun of anything and everything twilight? personally I think they should calm down a bit too. What harm is it doing for other people to enjoy reading these books or watching these films? Fair enough it has been commercialised a LOT but like all fads, it will go away in time, there is no need to get so worked up about it. 

I do apologise, this 'short post' didn't turn out so short after all! But it got it out of my system and I'm not going to lie I am really in the mood to go read the book again...

'Reality' tv shows vs scripted programmes

Before I begin, if you are a fan of reality tv or have watched Big Brother and enjoyed it and/or voted for your 'favourite', you might be insulted by this post and should probably stop reading now...

What do I mean...
Reality tv in one form or another has been around for as long as tv itself, however it became incredibly popular around 1999 with the likes of Big Brother. The genre can include anything that is unscripted and generally doesn't involve professional acting, from game shows and quiz shows to talk shows, from celebrities in a jungle to a random collection of 'average' people in a house. 


For the purposes of this post, when I say 'reality tv shows' I don't mean quiz shows or game shows or the likes, I will be referring to shows that frankly just take the mick, that require the general public to waste their money to remove people from 'the house' or 'the jungle': Big Brother, I'm a celebrity get me out of here, that sort of thing.When I say scripted, I mean just general comedies, dramas or soaps.


So let me start by saying, I'm not a HUGE tv fan, but I do enjoy sitting down and watching a light hearted comedy, or a documentary or a film every now and then. I used to watch a lot more tv than i do now, this may have something to do with having such little time for menial activities such as tv these days, but more than that, I become genuinely annoyed at tv and the media because of all the attention given to such classless programmes. 


What is the purpose of 'Big Brother' for example? Well after a long while researching, i still haven't found the answer! In case you've been more successful than me at avoiding such trivial wastes of time, the premise of the show is to take a group of 'ordinary' people and stick them in a house to live together isolated from the outside world, surrounded by television cameras 24 hours a day. Sounds riveting, no? Frankly the people on such shows aren't normal and they don't represent a cross section of society. Obviously anyone is going to act differently surrounded by cameras watching their every move, so these people aren't even acting like themselves! I don't understand why anyone would want to I watch it though, if I wanted to watch people eat I could sit and stare at my family at dinner time; if I wanted to watch people sleep, I could sit and watch my little brothers or little sisters sleep; if I wanted to watch people argue and fight, I could just sit and observe my siblings! Granted if I did any of the above for the purposes of entertainment, I'd have some problems, but is it not weirder watching people you don't know fight/sleep/eat? The entire concept is just ridiculous!



As for 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here', let's face it, they're not celebrities, maybe once they were but this show is worse than 'Strictly come dancing' as a tool to regain one's dwindling 'career'! Granted it may have boosted some careers, in the case of Myleene Klass for example, but let's face it, the 'celebrities' in the jungle are just as fake as the 'normal people' in the Big brother house. Why do I think this, I hear you ask? They know exactly what goes on in that jungle as there have been 10 seasons so far, so why act horrified and disgusted when asked to eat a crocodile eye? 
What annoys me possibly most isn't, well, all of the above, its that during the however many weeks a season of Big brother or I'm a celebrity is on for, it is all over the news and breakfast shows and media in general. Fair enough it is the Sun and the Mirror but still I'm sure there are more newsworthy stories out there? I'd rather hear actual news, not who fell out with whom, or who fainted in the jungle, its not news and there are much more important things in life! With that I think I should end this rant and move on! 

late night moan...model making...

 ok so what is it with model making, why does it take so long! I have literally been continuing with this model since after tea, so say about 7, it is now 10 to 1 and it feels like I have accomplished nothing all night! All it is is cutting out bits of mounting board and sticking them down, but oh no, the sizes aren't right, the walls need to be the correct widths, the windows need cut out and pieces need cut to connect the two walls where the spaces for windows and doors are....it could be made slightly faster if I were to do things the easy way, but in case you hasn't realised already, doing things the simple way is not my nature! So I shall continue and endeavour to get this done, perhaps even sleep tonight, who knows! I will say one thing though, I will be proud of myself when this gets done, because I know how much hard work has gone into it, a lot of thinking and planning and patience. And even if it does show that it has taken many late nights to complete, it'll still be worth it, I hope...! I should get back, my model awaits...

So far (sorta) so good...depending on how it does turn out, I'll post final pictures later!

Having a plan vs just going with it

I plan everything. I over think, I over stress, I over organise and I over plan.
But that's just who I am. Some think there is something wrong with this, where is the spontaneity? Well, to be honest, I'm one of those people, (also the kind of person that talks to themselves!) 
The truth of the matter is, surprises worry me, I am a huge worrier, I get it from my mum and I don't think growing up babysitting 4 younger brothers and sisters helped matters. I also tend to go off on tangents a bit as well so my apologies for that. It isn't that I don't enjoy living life and being random and doing     un-planned things, but I prefer knowing, this is ridiculous I hear you say, I can't possibly 'know' what is going to happen, I know this, but it doesn't stop me worrying about it. 


So in terms of why I plan, I think I covered that, I don't like surprises or things going wrong. It's not like I wake up every day and write the itinerary for the day, but if I have a lot on my mind, I'll write it down, a 'to-do list' a 'pro's and con's' list, a 'plan of action', it helps to actually see what the options are. In my opinion that is.


I know many people don't agree. In fact a few of my closest friends can just do things as they need done, or make a decision without figuring it all out. These people, I admire. I am making my self sound crazy but in all seriousness, sometimes I wish I didn't worry so much, that I didn't consider the consequences of each action prior to deciding, but then I'd be changing the essence of who i am. Getting a bit deep now, I apologise! 


Not planning has its benefits, you're not disappointed when you don't achieve everything you wanted to, it leaves time to 'slot in' other activities, and you are not restricted. Believe it or not, I do 'wing it' sometimes, while giving presentations for example, this stems from years of debating at school, I started in first year by relying on notes, numerous senior university competitions later, I can stand in front of however many people, and speak about something for 10 minutes based on a few words of notes. Don't get me wrong, I will know what I'm going to say more or less, I will have headings and take it from there. I started debating to help my confidence levels at school, I didn't win a single competition but I feel that it helped me learn to think on my feet and not know word for word how each moment of my life is going to unfold. 

Left handed vs right handed

Question: why do right handed people always assume everyone else is right handed?! (As you can probably tell, I'm a lefter!) But seriously, what is wrong with being left handed, its not like we -yes, I am speaking for every single left handed person in the world- chose to write with our left hand, although to be honest that is probably getting into a bit of a nature/nurture debate! But anyway, my point being, I don't think we should be judged based on how our brains developed....ok before I start ranting (ok, before I continue ranting...) let us look at the science of it all!


So studies suggest that 70%-90% of the worlds population is right handed, surely that makes left handed people more unique, that is a good thing right? So while researching possible reasons for the development of left handedness, so many theories were presented. For example, a slightly scary -in my opinion- theory is the of the 'vanishing-twin'. The thought that there was the left handed person was originally part of an identical twin pair but the right handed fetus failed to develop. Although this theory was 'disbunked' by scientists, it makes me feel a little uneasy! Perhaps more scientifically accurate research discovered specific alleles of at 'least one of the three single-nucleotide polymorphisms ....' was linked to left handedness. Although I didn't understood part of this -the end part to be exact- it shows that there are biological reasons for someone's preferred orientation! 


Like it or not though, left handed people are severely discriminated against in society, perhaps not on purpose but still! Think of all the products designed that  pose problems for left handed people to overcome: a computer mouse, a kitchen knife, a watch, a smudgy pen (when writing a left handed person will more than likely smudge the word they have just written as their hand moves across the page), cameras, then there are sports like baseball, pool, the list goes on and on. 


In a book entitled 'Right hand-Left Hand' by Chris Mcmanus of the University College London, it is explained that the number of left handed people is increasing and also that left handers as a group produce an above average level of high achievers. McManus explains that the brain of a left handed person is structured differently in a way that increases the range of abilities possible.  Along these lines, in 2006 a U.S study by Lafayette College and John Hopkins University concluded that for college educated people, left handers earned 10-15% more than their right handed counterparts. (A result in my opinion!).


So they say 1 in 10  people is left handed, should we penalise this 1 person for being different? Personally since I occasionally am that person, I think not. In my immediate family, it is 1 in 2 people that are left handed, sure it is strange odds, but why is that a bad thing? So many amazing people in history have been left handed: Albert Einstein, Bruce Willis, Leonardo Da Vinci, Oprah Winfrey, Barack Obama...the list goes on and on.  Sure it wasn't being left handed that made these people what they are today, but you have to ask yourself, does it really have that much of an impact considering how big a deal some people make of it?